A Better Husband

I have a problem. I think I’m a pretty good husband. Well, I guess it isn’t such a problem that I think that, but rather, the problem is how I came to that conclusion.

See, the world is full of crummy husbands. There are guys out there who ignore their wives and substitute her for work, sports, friends, and any other countless thing. There are husbands who talk down to their wives and treat them more like a servant than a lover. There are husbands who constantly fight with their wives. There are husbands who only think of themselves and never consider the feelings of their wives.

My problem is that I look at all these guys and think, “man, not only am I a good husband, but BOY is my wife lucky to have me!”

I’m not sure exactly when I had the epiphany, but there was a day when I was pondering how great my wife had it when I realized, “I’m not that great.” The real problem was that I was comparing myself to the wrong standard. I thought that, compared to most husbands out there, I’m a real catch. But then I was reminded that I should be comparing myself to the perfect man, Jesus.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and ?gave himself up for her.


Suddenly I realized that not only did my wife not have a “catch” but she actually got a raw deal. I realized that I’m just as selfish and unloving as the next guy when compared to Jesus.

At that moment, and every time I have that “I’m better than that guy” thought, I force myself to look at the cross and ask God for mercy and grace to be a better husband.

As a seminary student it is easy to begin to think much more highly of yourself than you ought. You can look around at a lot of crummy husbands out there and think, “I’m pursuing a noble calling. My wife is so lucky to have a husband that is so passionate about Jesus and his church. She sure has it good.” Friend, it is time to look to the cross. We have all failed to love our wives as we ought.

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Written by
Ryan Burns
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  • Yes, I can relate. Keep your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of your faith. Comparing yourself to others only counts at the olympics. In the real world of relationships we all fall short.

  • You are soooo right. Even as I read the article I said to myself “me too, I’m a great catch.” But looking to Jesus I know my wife could have done way better. I just glad she kept me.

  • i wish i saw like this before.
    My girlfriend is about to leave me.
    i love her so much but i have been so selfish.
    even i thought i was not, and tried everything i know to make sure i was not!!! only thing i knew how to do was being selfish.
    and i realize that it’s only God who can change me and knowing that we were made in his image, that we may be like him more.
    it is very important which standard we are measuring ourselves.

Written by Ryan Burns